When you passionately want something, it’s hard not to want to clutch onto it. Control it. Grasp it. You hang on for dear life, and heaven help someone if they get in your way. That’s how I have been feeling lately about my music career. “I want it, I want it, I want it. I need it. Give it to me.”
This afternoon, I had a great yoga session full of stretching and aligning. (I’m not a granola-y hippie, okay? Yoga really is awesome for fixing your body though.) I realised I’ve been extremely tense in parts of my bod, especially my hips, legs and shoulders. All of these areas in the body kind of represent ‘moving forward’. You need your legs to walk forward in life, your hips hold onto your emotions and fears, and your shoulders represent responsibility – eg., the expression, “holding the world on your shoulders”. I made a decision to really relax into the stretches I was doing, and ‘allow’ myself to let go of the bodily positions I’ve been locked into for so long. It was funny how much emotion came up during this; I even shed a couple of tears during the end-of-session meditation.
During this meditation, and afterwards walking home, I thought about how much I hold onto some ideas of what the future holds. In my career and my relationships, in my finances, and my ideas of security and routine. I’m so TIRED of expecting, wanting and needing things to go ‘my way’. The Universe/God/The All, whatever you want to call it, has its OWN way and plan. Maybe it will line up with what I want, maybe not…things might turn out with the RESULT that I want, but will probably not take the same PATH that I expect. Therefore, what is the point of all this worrying and holding on? It achieves nothing. It probably hinders me from achieving goals, if anything.
I’m not going to make a definitive statement like “I’m not ever going to hold on tight to what I want anymore”. I’ll probably fail. I feel a shift though. Today I connected with a lightness of heart and a love inside me that I’d forgotten about. If you want somebody, if you want something, let it the fuck go.
This doesn’t mean giving up on your dreams. Just remembering the reason you love them and focusing on that instead of the result. Basically, focusing on the journey and not the destination. This is a powerful thought. I want my result, but I’m not going to be attached to it and NEED it anymore. I realize I will be okay no matter what happens in my life.
In the practice of music, this helps you focus on the moment and the joy of playing/singing/performing. You’re not worrying about if you’re doing something ‘right’, whether people like it or whatever. You’re just enjoying it – in-joy-in-it…and that’s all I want to focus on from now on.
Wow, this blog is getting super-spiritual. I guess that’s me though; I think this would get boring for me if it were only surface-oriented. The thing with creating sucess in your life is, you have to face your demons and what’s standing in the way. I don’t think I’m going to be the success that I want if I keep WANTING what I want so hard. I will push it away.
Letting go FTW. My mantra tonight is: I let it all go. I am complete unto myself. I love what I love, and I can face whatever I attract.
NAMASTE y’all 😉